Random stories of interruption: Mr. B.

Disclaimer: All the characters and events are fictional. Any similarity with real persons or circumstances is probably a product of your twisted mind. Or consumed substances.

Hi, my name is Mr. B. and I am... Actually I can't really tell you what I do. Well, I could , but then I'd probably kill you. That is if you didn't die of boredom or slip into a coma by the time I finished. It's not that it is dangerous, it's just deadly boring.

You don't believe me? Remember Sleeping beauty? Yup, she wanted to know all about it and see what happened. It's not "reading a phone book" boring but "building a tunnel with a toothpick" boring.

Naturally I wasn't always aware of this. It only dawned to me when people started to fall a sleep during our conversations. As far as I know narcolepsy can't really go epidemic, right? But I still wasn't completely sure. Until they started calling me late at night, saying they can't sleep and asking me to explain how my day was. Needless to say there was a lot of snoring after few minutes. Or silence. Both of which was equally disturbing.

So what could I do? Change my job? Change my friends? Get a new haircut and forget all about it? The last one seems like a fairly good option if only I had any hair left. Besides, I love my job, so the only reasonable option seemed to get new friends. I tried one of those internet pages. Needless to say it failed badly.

After few attepts to meet people, I got several obscene photos of their intimate parts and quite a few detailed explanations of their interests. Call me conservative but I don't really care about other people's purposes for growing vegetables or collecting other people's underwear.

But then I got a message from quite interesting person, supposedly a young executive working in a statistical research center. We had this long and fullfilling conversations about data analysis and quantitative method research and I started to think I've met my soulmate.

Unfortunately it proved to be a 74 year old gardener who lived with 14 cats and was looking for long lost twin brother. Finally, when I started to recieve loads of offers to enlarge my penis, adopt weird animals and meet christian singles in my area, I gave up. Apparently internet is no place for people like me.

So I did the only logical thing I could think of - I bought a goldfish and named her Data. She is a good listener and never complains. There is only this one thing that worries me. I think she is addicted to swimming. I guess you can't have it all, can you?

Where is home?

Moving to Berlin wasn't really that difficult (apart from all the physical exercise that was included). Probably because I wasn't completely aware of what I was actually doing. Of course thoughts like "Am I completely nuts?" did cross my mind from time to time but then quickly disappear to the "Don't panic!" area. Douglas Adams knew what he was talking about.

First days were kinda exciting and confusing at the same time. Mostly I was dealing with fundamental questions like: where is the post office, where can I get decent caffeine fix and where am I anyway. While looking for answers I found extremely useful things like:

• Soft drinks with gas are very popular,
• if you make out words that sound german, people might even understand you,
• organic wine is actually quite tasty.

I also found out that it IS a good idea to visit huge computer stores without a credit card. Especially if they have also Apple Store.

So right now I am still kinda adjusting, discovering the city and trying to practice my German. I'd say I covered the basic level by mastering shopping conversation (hello, how much, goodbye, yes, no) and random useful phrases like: Can I have some toilet paper?

What's next? I have no idea. Let's wait and see.

Germanwings FAIL

I made it to Berlin, unfortunately without my hamster. My first post here should probably be dedicated to glorifying the city, however I am still too irritated by Germanwings and their serious lack of information skills. Here's why:

1. I read the info on their website: So I got a note form the vet, my hamster is under 8 kg and is not in the category 1 restricted breeds. I just needed to make a phone call to "check" him in. According to this info I should pay about 25 EUR. Not really cheap but OK, I don't really have a choice.

2. The contact page is somewhat confusing as not all the call centers have the full numbers. After second week of trying to reach them on five different numbers and some effort trying to get the right number, I finally managed. The guy on the other side, supposedly empoyee of germanwings, said I need a note from the vet and 35 EUR which I pay at the check in. Ok, So maybe they raised prices because of the crisis.

3. I come to the check in, already check in all my luggage, including the cage, and then point at the hamster. Only then they told me that rodents can't travel with planes. And if I wanted to get the cage back I would surely miss my plane. Splendid. I swear I could hear Murphy laughing out loud.

So now I have the cage while my parents, only 700 km away, are stuck with my hamster. I would to complaint to them but there is no email on their website and I am too pissed off to spend money on calling them.

So dear Germanwings, we spent fun few years together but now it is time to move on and find something else. Because I deserve better :P